Closure

One of the hardest events in a person’s lifetime is the end of a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or an intimate relationship like a marriage. Unfortunately in my lifetime I’ve lost many friends for various reasons, death, location, differences of opinion to strong to overcome. I’ve also have had three divorces in my life with the last one, for whatever reason, being the most difficult to “get over” of the three; here’s how I found closure.

I’m a face-to-face person, I need to see into a person’s eyes to say goodbye, to express remorse, and  to share positives as well. I drove six hours to deliver a card that held an invitation to meet up to help me find the closure I felt I needed; card was delivered, meeting not accepted. I was happy that I saw her, she looked happy, healthy, and was kind. The last time I had seen her she looked tired, she was ready for me to move and I moved a day early to avoid the final talk, the talk that may have kept me from months of what I felt was the need to say goodbye. After a weekend of reflection it was time to say goodbye, I did what I think I do best, I wrote a letter.

I’ll admit in the letter I never offered forgiveness for behaviors that opened the door to our ending our five year relationship. I did however own up for my behaviors that were not part of my normal character, I yelled, I screamed even, at what I felt was a betrayal of a life I’d never get to live; for that I apologized. I thanked her for her care and concern for my girls, and her ability to keep us all happy and together when I feel she gave her happiness away and perhaps we didn’t give enough back? I promised to never text in anger or tears again, that only birthdays or events worthy of a text like a new life or death of a loved one or former loved one. I care deeply for people and even through this all I will still care. I want her to have the best life possible that she envisioned when she left and for her to know that I’ll always have a spot in my heart if she ever needs a kind voice or text that I’ll be there. She may never read the letter, and that’s okay. I’ve sent it out in the world for her to see, if she chooses not too at least it’s out of my head, heart, and hands. Enjoy life dearest as I will try to enjoy life with a new plan in mind.

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