A common thread through my posts is my struggle with depression. The “depression is winning” texts to significant others and the days where I sit and stare at a television screen sometimes so lost that I have to restart the program. But, and a big but, (hopefully not mine getting bigger), I’ve decided to fight my depression and no longer just live with it. I felt I had it managed but after my divorce from the woman I coined as the “love of my life” I couldn’t shake the depression. It wasn’t because I lost her, it was that I lost a future I was prepared for. I’d work until 65 and then just be a house husband and hope that she could retire ten years later and I’d maintain my health and we’d travel and see the world, or at least all of Michigan. Losing that was hard until I realized that I can do that alone. The hardest part was the timing, my “nest” was empty and now it was truly empty without a soul living with me. After over a year has passed with many crying nights for “no reason” it was time to take on the fight.
I’ve avoided medication since the last one threw me into a manic spell that lasted for months, it was because the pill interacted with my allergy pills that I failed to mention to the Dr., but still I was afraid. Also I struggle with my weight, I’m not a picture of obesity but I’m also not one that will be posing for a calendar any day soon. Lastly, a lot of pills have sexual side effects, I’m single, and “not active” in that department but I hope to be someday when it’s right, and I’d like to be able. With those fears in mind I consulted with and old friend who has a vast amount of medical knowledge and has known me my entire adult life as to what pill I should try.
I’ve been prescribed a pill that hopefully will not only lessen my depression but has a focusing agent and a side effect of weight loss. I’m scared it won’t work and it’s too soon to tell but any minor side effect like dry mouth is much better then waking up sobbing. A bonus part is that drinking while on this medication is not recommended, that will save me a few dollars and a hangover or two a month; but again I drank to keep the depression at bay and as an educated man I know that’s not how it works. I’m hoping to write more often, I’d love to write daily if I could, and just the fact that I’m on here today, day three of the pills, makes me feel like I made the right choice.